Yafit Sharovsky, 32, was looking for love in all the wrong places.
The clubs, the beaches and the bars in South Beach showed no real promise for finding her future husband.
"The guys there are the worst," she said, shaking her head in disappointment.
So, Sharovsky, who moved from Israel to Miami Beach more than a year
ago, turned to a possible matchmaker -- her Orthodox Jewish rabbi.
"He taught me not to be afraid of going after what I really want,"
Sharovsky said as she waited for an appointment with Rabbi Chay Amar,
of the Chabad of Golden Beach.
In a digital age where even love
is potentially one mouse click away on dozens of dating websites, many
singles are instead setting their sights on professional matchmakers,
and finding that in South Florida's melting pot these pros cater to all
communities.
Some of the niche cupids roaming South Florida
include a sheik in Pembroke Pines who hooks up local Muslims through
personal ads in his self-published magazine, a Boca Raton retiree who
specializes in senior matches, and a University of Miami graduate made
famous as The Millionaire Matchmaker on Bravo TV.
"Anyone can sell you the stars and the moon online," said Patti
Stanger, star of the Bravo reality show, often tasked with finding
potential mates for freakishly immature and self-obsessed rich men and
women. "A great matchmaker can figure out if the couple is really
going to have chemistry."
Stanger, a third-generation
matchmaker, started her career in Boca Raton with the Great
Expectations matchmaking firm. She now runs The Millionaire's Club, a
national matchmaking firm where male clients pay up to $25,000 a year
for membership privileges that include style consultations and coaching
sessions prior to their dates.
Among Stanger's tips for single
guys and gals looking for a place to meet their future special someone:
"the quainter the place the better."
"Valentine's is
actually a great opportunity to meet other singles," Stanger said.
"If you go out to a bar or something and meet someone, then at least
you know they're definitely single. If they weren't, they wouldn't be
out on Valentine's."
COMMUNITY TIES
The period from Thanksgiving to Valentine's is usually the busiest for
matchmakers, Stanger said. It's a lucrative industry that rakes in $256
million annually, according to a 2007 study by the Jupiter Research
Firm.
But for those not looking to drop a large sum of cash on
their quest for love, many turn to familiar sources -- their churches,
mosques and synagogues.
Besides being head of the Chabad of Golden Beach, Rabbi Chay Amar is used to playing the role of the synagogue's shadchan -- a Yiddish term for matchmaker.
Singles like Sharovsky of Miami Beach often sign up for Amar's
relationship courses held every Wednesday night at the Ramada in Golden
Beach. He also receives anywhere from 20 to 40 requests a month from
singles looking to meet with him in person so he can enter them into
his memory bank, and hopefully later connect them with another single.
"We're in a generation that, unfortunately when it comes to
relationships, people are scared," Amar said. "They have lost their
self-esteem and they need guidance. People are scared of failure.
Sometimes people would rather stay single until they're 90 years old
instead of making the mistake that would leave them to failure. That's
really just an ego trip."
Amar says there's no exact science to
setting up each match -- sometimes he'll meet with a single and "names
will start popping in my head"; other times, he'll rest and wait until
the right match comes to mind.
"You have to be patient and not force these things," Amar said.
The rabbi and his wife were married 15 years ago after being matched by a friend. By their third date, he proposed.
"One of the reasons a lot of people are not married is that they have
not found themselves," Amar said. "Therefore they don't know what
they're looking for, they're always changing their minds. . . . I tell
the men to take notes after they go out with a girl, to see what they
find out about themselves, why it didn't work, and how that led them to
the next girl."
When Shafayat Mohamed, imam of the Darul Uloom
Mosque in Pembroke Pines, receives requests from single Muslims seeking
other single Muslims, he refers them to the customary matchmaker in
many Islamic families -- "the auntee."
"The family, the aunt,
the uncle, they become the guardian of women and men looking to get
married," Mohamed said. "If you have a trusted and mature relative
and they make a recommendation, half of the work is done. It cuts out
the 99 yards of looking for someone online. It cuts the mistrust,
because you know it's someone who came recommended. Now all that's left
is to figure out if you like the boy or girl."
But when the
relatives fall through, Mohamed always leaves the option of taking out
a personal ad in the monthly magazine he publishes and distributes
throughout South Florida -- Al Hikmat, Arabic for "wisdom."
"Some of the things I do tell the couples is to ensure they have
compatibility in their faith in God," Mohamed said. "The day may come
when the wife says, `I want to go to prayer,' and the husband says, `I
want to go to the beach,' and it splits the family apart."
WEARY OF WAITING
If you don't have the cash to join a matchmaking firm, there are firms
that recruit potential singles to match with their paying clients.
Stanger has a page on her website where willing singles can submit
their photos and information for consideration. The Amy Laurent
International matchmaking firm, with offices in Miami, New York and Los
Angeles, also heavily recruits singles on its website and at local
events.
"Bottom line is you get to a point when you really want
to have your significant other," said Jay Jiggins, a matchmaker with
Amy Laurent, who also recruits singles for the firm's dating pool.
"That's where we come in."
In Boca Raton, matchmaker Carol
Morgan works with singles of all ages, but has carved out a niche
rekindling romance among seniors, many widowed or divorced.
"I
have clients who are in their 70s and 80s who, as long as they're
breathing and are healthy and well, they still want love," Morgan
said. "The desire for companionship and love is something we never
outgrow."
